5 Reasons Why You Should Fail in Life

This is not a drill. Nor is this a satirical article. There is a reason why people fail in life and there are different ways to perceive failure and learn from it.

*Sputters, gasps*

Some of you cringe visibly when you hear the word “failure”. Others like me who are desensitized to all aspects of failure in life will probably shrug and keep reading on. Smart move. In the real world, people fail at different things all the time. Some fail in academics, others fail in greater things like relationships and others generally fail at everything because we don’t believe in settling for one thing and life is a competition right so why fail at one specific thing? Why not everything? The world is your oyster and you must devour it. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

If that makes any sense so let’s pretend it does. We already like to pretend so many other things like how our life isn’t going downhill, how women aren’t marginalized, how racism does not exist and how everyone is a giant teddy bear. So anyway, moving on to the crux of this article where I’ll try to convince you that the worse thing you ever thought to happen to you was actually not that bad after all, without those fuzzy Tumblr-esque quotes. You’ll thank me later.

1.PERSPECTIVE

Failure gives you perspective. It’s like an alarm clock that wakes you up from a dream. Or a nightmare. Or anything in between. Sometimes we get so caught up in what people tell us, our responsibilities, our delusions and paranoia that we get out of touch with how things really are. Failure snaps you back to reality so you still have a little time to rectify all those problems that were plaguing your way.

2.DECIDING FACTOR

Sometimes in life, we come face to face with failure at a very crucial time of our lives. That is actually the universe helping us prioritize something. This failure inspires you to push harder and get what you want or it may disappoint you so much so that you don’t go to that dark place ever again and move on to something more fruitful. It’s basically tough love brought to you by the universe. Or your actions, whatever you choose to believe.

3.MATTER?

When you fail at multiple things, at multiple times you start to realize that things you pulled your hair out for, don’t really matter. What you lost your sleep over, wasn’t that significant. It makes you question who you are as a person . It tell you that there are so many other things in the universe and that it’s okay and not the end of the world. As Stephen Hawking said, “While there is life, there is hope.”

4.SELF DISCOVERY

Believe it or not, failure causes you to discover yourself. You may kick yourself at that time, but in the long run you learn to evaluate yourself, figure out your problems, and move on to solve them yourself. You basically learn to love yourself without Justin Bieber telling you to and that makes you value yourself more.

5.CONFIDENCE

Failure makes you confident. You realize that you’ve seen all that you have to lose and it can’t be any worse than it already is because at the end of the day even rock bottom has its limits and eventually you’ll have no choice but to progress towards the positive aspect of life. You’ll learn to appreciate yourself because you went through all those moments that threatened to tear you apart but you still emerged (not completely unscathed but that’s not problematic because scars are beautiful and I’ll tell you how in my upcoming posts.)

 

 

 

The Sacrificial Lamb

Society has us all messed up. Something based solely on the vague ideas of propriety and “morals” of a few people has ended up dictating our way of life. It has turned into a monster and is in turn poisoning us. Serves us right for creating the monster in the first place. Karma at its finest. When you add patriarchy in the mix it all just becomes a wonderful mix of suffering, oppression, alter egos and forced smiles. Exquisite.

What really bothers me is that the with all the twists, turns and changes in society the position of women is the only thing that has remained constant. Women have bled out painfully every month for the sake of their reproductive system yet they’re still considered “cowards”. They’ve bravely bore the intense pain that follows during the birth of a child but still considered “weak”. They’ve allowed their body and existence to be enslaved by their child and husband but they’re still considered “selfish” if they do manage to take out some time for themselves. Yet no one cares. Yet there is no end to this oppression that women face even today. Oh no, because apparently society has its “norms” and “values” and abiding by them is a duty imposed on women alone because only men can make and break these rules without questioning.

For years women have been told to cover up so the opposite gender doesn’t look at them with their perverted beady eyes and take advantage of them. They’ve been told to cover up for their own “safety”. Interesting. Those who pledge and guarantee this “safety” to them are the ones who are endangering it in the first place. Ironic, no? They’ve been marginalized, have been locked in their homes, have been accused of “bad character”and crimes they didn’t even commit just because they had brought “shame” to the family because some random pervert was caught smiling at her or ended up pursuing her. Fantastic.

If questioned why can’t you tell men to lower their gaze first? The illogical answer follows, “You can’t force everyone to lower their gaze. Kis kis ki nazrein neechey karwayein ge?” The funny thing is, that’s exactly what’s been happening with women since day one. Kis kis ko chadaar pehnawayein gey? How can you force every woman to cover up? Why do you find it easy to limit the path of every woman and tell her to cover up? Well someone has to. Why not the sacrificial lamb who’s been doing it since the day she was born because she was taught to be obedient. Even if she isn’t, society finds it very convenient to use religion to her to conform to their pathetic standards of propriety. They just don’t know how to use religion to teach their son to become a decent human being because they find it hard to believe that God is not a misogynist.

If you can enforce “pardah”(the ideal of covering up) on your daughters then surely you can also enforce good moral values on your son? But no, the mere mention of his gender is like an excuse for people. “Oh so cheated on her? That’s okay he is a boy after all.” “So he got her pregnant out of wedlock? Oh well, we can’t really do anything because he’s a man.” As if having testosterone is the ultimate get out of jail free card. How convenient.

We won’t solve the root of the problem and and get our sons to behave, we’ll just pretend they are holy deities. Instead we’ll force our daughters into compliance in order to balance out the chaos our sons cause in society because she’s only a woman right? Born to be trodden on. Only a woman. If women couldn’t bear children to ensure the continuity of mankind, they would’ve been long eaten by men. But God was smart and He didn’t want women to become extinct like the Dodo bird so He blessed her with this unmatched ability. He also reiterated her importance through Islam (more on that later) but typical desi society doesn’t care about Islam. To them their cultural values are sacred enough.

So in conclusion, this is why women, even after sacrificing their heart, soul and body are looked upon with contempt and marginalized because men have proved themselves to be the animals they claim they are not. What a momentous moment in the evolutionary history of mankind.

Lowering Expectations

Warning: What you are about to read is some completely boring text. Now some of you would simply put it down and go in search of better stories. But some of you, who are daring (kudos to you) will continue reading. See what I did there? I lowered your expectations, so now even if you find something worthwhile to read, you’ll be pleasantly surprised because I’ve told you that this article will put you to sleep in the first place. Now you may think I’m some sort of a mind boggler or a psychologist who’s trying to play mind games with you. But in reality, I’m just an average person who learns a lot. Every day. Bit by bit, life teaches us little things which may seem insignificant initially, but later, over the course of a year, we realize that we’re a completely different person because of the lessons we learned.

Now the title of this article should’ve been Great Expectations or something optimistic or something but I’m no Dickens and this isn’t some cliched article. Not that Dickens was anything less than a phenomenal writer. But expectations though, they really play a huge part in our lives, no? Expecting to wake up, expecting your salary, expecting food at the dinner table, expecting your wife to be the gourmet chef you know she’s not, expecting your son to be the epitome of support towards you, expecting your daughter to be the next Martha Stewart. And it’s not only you with expectations, it’s people around you with expectations too and you try your best to conform to these expectations but in the end you just end up going out of your way for nothing. You realize it’s all just a fallacy. To some, it may be too late, but for others, it’s just a realization for the beginning.

Now in a circle of social conformity and illusions, what we like to call society in other words, there is an imbalance of expectations. You’re intrigued because you don’t know where I’m going with this. Superficially, it may seem like the greatest expectations are from men who are supposed to cater to the never ending financial needs and have to be those mighty breadwinners. Life must be hard toiling away in some cubicle. My sympathies with you, really. But come to think of it, that glorious weekend is like the chocolate cake after the Brussels sprouts or the intermission during a boring movie. But for some of your species, also known as the women, life is not that rewarding. Tragic, really. That’s because you have your dinner parties, brunches and different social events that you want your female partner to endure with you even when they’re dead tired because torturing people is obviously fun even if you’re not a sadist. Or so you think so.

Now you’re probably thinking this is some sort of a feminist article that is designed to deliver hate against those of you with excessive amounts of testosterone. Well, to your relief, that is not the case with this article. I am simply pointing out the truth. Facing the truth is one of the most commendable qualities so you can clap for yourself. Ir’s like a bitter pill you need to swallow in order to get better, assuming that the pill is medicinal. But then again, I’m just the messenger so bear with me. Women don’t get holidays, vacations or breaks in general. Especially in the societies of various third world countries. They toil away in the kitchen, with their children (who society would like to address as “yours” hence discrediting women of all the hard work that do in giving birth to them, bringing them up etc etc but apparently that’s not “significant” enough) and are in this constant state of frenzy to keep every inch of the house clean. Not a speck of dust. And we just look at our spick and span house and shrug when we look at women like what did you do all day?

A businessman can’t understand a model’s confession, you can’t expect a scientist to come up with cordon bleu cuisine with the finesse of a professional chef. A doctor will simply pull his hair out if he is confronted with the problems faced by an air traffic controller. My point is, every person’s profession is different from the other person’s and you can’t necessarily understand or undertake it but that doesn’t mean you should not respect it. Now you’re probably nodding your head because I’ve made a valid point here. Then why do we fail to appreciate women for all the work they do? We shrug it off with the thought that it’s her “duty”. As if you’ve married a personal maid because your mother wanted you to marry a woman of substance and killer housekeeping skills. As if she’s been to some build-a-barbie market. In reality, you can’t really build your own barbie, you can’t really force your barbie to conform to your standards or bow down to your needs because at the end of the day she is a person, just like you (shocking, isn’t it?) and she deserves equal opportunities and appreciation just like you do. I’m sure if you put yourself in her shoes, you’d end up taking a permanent vacation to Mars because it’s all too much to handle. Yet you ridicule her in front of others, demean her existence, don’t appreciate her and you get away with it. Miraculous.

If you didn’t get a promotion or a raise or a nod of appreciation from someone at work you’d probably end up tearing up your contract with that company. But your wife doesn’t tear her marriage contract, she still loves you and doesn’t ask for a raise. Those women who do tear up their marriage contracts are successfully stigmatized and marginalized so society has got men covered either way. Congratulations. What about promotion? You’re probably thinking what does she need to get promoted from, she does have the highest status of being your wife and you’re doing “everything” you can for her. Well, newsflash, you’re not. Most men fail to do more for their wives because they think that they’ve done enough. Do you think you’ve done enough at your job so why not just stay at home and party your life away? No. That is not how it works with your profession and that is not how it works with women. You need to do more, care more, love more because she’ll nurture your love and give you more than your expectations. At times when you’re least expecting it. And that’s the thing about low expectations, surprises feel thrilling, everything seems good because you’re not expecting much.

The reason most relationships fail is because the expectations are too high. You have expectations from women but ever wonder what they expect from you? Ever wonder how you’re continuously disappointing her in the course of your relationship with her? If the presence of these expectations alarm you then you need to evaluate yourself. If they don’t, the relish your rice and curry instead of expecting some seven course meal. You see, lowering expectations is a favor you do for yourself and if you’re expect that I’ll say that loving and respecting the women in your life is a favor to them that you’re mistaken. Because it’s not your favor, it’s your duty. And if you fail at this, you’ll get fired, eventually. Now I’ve figure out all your emotions and written them down for you like how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking, in this article. Feel free to to interpret “getting fired” as you wish. You’re welcome.

 

 

 

Wanderlust

We all need escapism. Escape from our depressing monotonous lives to something more exciting. Escape from our ecstatic moments to reality before we get too carried away. We all need this escapism because it helps us cope with things. Makes life a little easier. It’s almost like a defense mechanism that your mind designs to help you survive. Escapism helps us realize that there is more to life than our petty issues that make us panic and want to desperately leave and go somewhere else. Anywhere. Truth be told, I do it quite often. It’s basically wanderlust but I’m not going anywhere. Paradox, you say? But surely wandering through one’s aspirations, hopes and daydreams counts too? It’s like walking through a library and flicking pages of some worn out, dog eared books. The same pages over and over again. Different pages with ink blotches. Some worn out and some torn into a million scraps. This is my version of wanderlust and yes, I quite like it. Wandering through all the places which exist and which don’t. It doesn’t really matter because I can visit them anywhere, anytime. It’s actually quite comforting to know that I can escape to somewhere when ┬álife gets harsh. It’s like Neverland, except I do grow old there. My thoughts evolve, I grow out of people, gravitate towards certain places, change my preferences. Some of you may have a different idea about wanderlust. The blinding lust that makes you want to venture out towards the unknown, in a world of your own design or quite the opposite. The bottom line is, you’re wandering, seeing new places, attaining new experiences, and letting your mind run free. Even when you’re globetrotting (according to the real world standards, at least), you see a world so different to what you’re accustomed to. Suddenly the things you worried about seem so small and insignificant. The tests you worried about in college, the struggles of practical life, they won’t matter once you see Aurora Borealis. It’s quite interesting once you realize that even though we all have the same habitat, the same two eyes, hands, feet, brain and heart, we’re all so different in so many ways and that’s not problematic at all. This is what your wanderlust makes you realize. However, like typical lust, your wanderlust will leave you with regret too. Regret of leaving the exotic place where you made so many wonderful memories, regret of leaving the safety of your mind palace and back to reality where things don’t go your way. But you know what? That regret has a purpose. It gives you this sense of missing something that makes you treasure all the places you’ve been. It makes your wanderlust more meaningful so that it’s more than just lust.